


Believe In Nothing

by Eirenei



Series: Scrapbook Jewels [30]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Saiyuki
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-16 12:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirenei/pseuds/Eirenei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dumbledore was wrong on oh so many points. Harry's true strength wasn't love. He wasn't a naive little boy. Instead of that, a certain heretic Sanzo had been reincarnated to repent for his sins, with all of his memories and knowledge from his previous life…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Believe In Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki or Harry Potter, nor do I own the lyrics. They belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Shoutout: Indeed, dear readers, mind is a scary place, but you know what they say about the silent ones. Be wary of them, because they could have batshit insane ideas… which they could make work to bite you in the brain. As I currently got on a Saiyuki binge, the idea hit me like a sledgehammer and I just had to write it out. For those who don't know, Crimson Sagittarius had been updated – the fifth part is out, and for all the believers, Among The Hawks And Doves is currently in works. Until then, there is this little tidbit of a story to tide you over. I would like to thank my beta, Moon Howling Banshee for prompt editing - without her help; this story would have been a mess. So thank you, you are a gem!
> 
> Warnings: Okay, there is a general insanity and shifting POV's. Warning for our dearest heretic's thought process and wacky AU timeline. Also, this pairing is Harry(Ukoku)/Koumyou. Told ya, my mind is a scary place.
> 
> PS: In Saiyuki, Kanzeon Bousatsu, the Goddess of Mercy, is described as a hermaphrodite, so I refer to her as se – as a person, and hir – when I talk about Kanzeon's possessions or attributes. Just a quirk. But if you want to, you can refer to her as a female.

* * *

_I believe in nothing_  
Not the end and not the start  
I believe in nothing  
Not the earth and not the stars  
I believe in nothing  
Not the day and not the dark  
I believe in nothing  
But the beating of our hearts  


_("100 Suns", by 30 Seconds To Mars)_

* * *

The Triwizard Tournament was an annoyance. He closed his eyes and sighed. Why was he competing again, when he could be learning so many more interesting, if not useful things? His pet projects were also suffering, because he didn't want to tip his hand so soon.

Not yet.

Someone had the balls to throw his name into the Goblet, and as his strange brand of luck would have it, he was the fourth champion. If it wasn't so… _pathetic_ , he would have been amused. It was the kind of scheme he would have pulled off to stave off Kouryuu and his little companions.

"Is that your revenge for me annoying your precious Kouryuu?" He muttered, tilting his head back to look up at the moon, the lenses of his glasses glinting mysteriously. In his mind, he heard the other man chuckling with amusement.

"Damn. Guess it is." He sighed; left hand shuffling in his pockets for his cigarettes, only for him to grimace at the reminder that he didn't have them. Being a minor – technically speaking of course – sucked.

Reincarnation was a bitch. He could understand little Kouryuu – or was it Konzen now? No wonder the golden haired ex-god was so surly half the time. Kanzeon was indeed a hag nag, and being stuck with hir for all eternity, regardless of being immortal or mortal was a sure fire was to be driven to madness. At least Kouryuu had his little companions – the monkey, cockroach and the slayer. Mismatched but surprisingly resilient and effective at foiling his plans. His pawns – Hazel and Kami – were useless. Oh well. It was entertaining while it lasted.

His reincarnation was as much as fluke of luck as it was a punishment. _'No good deed goes unpunished'_ , indeed. His participation in the last battle, when he revealed that he was on Sanzo's side – the bitch had been stupid enough to brag about killing Koumyou – was a total surprise and the decisive move that turned the flow of battle to Sanzo – ikkou's favor. Were his enemies surprised, finding out that they had to deal not with only one Sanzo, but with _two_ –and that the dark – haired one had the Muten sutra. It pissed the bitch off something fierce – one of the sutras was literally _prancing_ under their noses all the time, and they didn't know it!

It was a perfect mind fuck, in Ukoku's not so humble opinion. The final battle was long, hard and bloody, because they managed to filch Kouryuu's Maten sutra somehow for enough time to revive the monstrosity that was Gyumaoh. Kouryuu was just lucky enough that Ukoku was on his side for once, distracting the giant long enough for Sanzo to get the sutras back… but in the process almost losing his life.

And then, that Gyokumen bitch killed him. However, he had the last laugh –with the last shreds of his will, he activated the Maten sutra, commanding it to devour both of them. He heard the woman's terrified shriek before there was cold and heat and then unbearable, impenetrable darkness.

And Kanzeon had, in hir infinite wisdom, decided that because he was such a good little boy, he deserved a reward in shape of being reincarnated, as he wasn't holy enough to be allowed to be with Koumyou. Ukoku scowled. ' _Fucking_ _bitch-bastard_.' Although he had to admit that Kanzeon maybe knew him all too well; so much peace and stillness would probably driven him insane in a short amount of time, so the reincarnation wasn't all that bad.

Really.

No, the true punishment was that se allowed him to retain his memories. Whether it was by some sort of fluke or just for hir amusement, he didn't know, but - the fact was, he had his memories – all of his memories, if not skills, and sometimes it galled him that he had to struggle onward like a worm, inch by inch –

* * *

This world was strange. No youkai, no Sanzo priests, although there was some kind of story about a journey to the West, and the first time Ukoku read it, he didn't know whether to laugh himself sick or burn the offending book for telling such an extravagant lies. The original Sanzo party was nothing like the book described them like. They were not wise and holy – in fact, Ukoku would be hard pressed to find anything holy about them in any given time or situation, not that he had any reason to point at their faults (He had his own, after all). They cursed, swindled, ate meat, killed and well, between the four of them; they more than enough covered the seven deadly sins. Such amusing playthings they were.

His lips curved into a dark smirk.

This world was different, and yet not, from his previous one. Because of his memories, he advanced faster than most, outright shocking his teachers, and by the time he got his Hogwarts letter, he already had his diploma in Bio-Engineering **,** Physics and couple of other fields. At least this time it was moderately more entertaining, learning about his chosen fields, even if in some aspects his knowledge was miles ahead from what his professors were jabbering about. The Dursleys were not amused, but they could do nothing about their… freakish nephew. The boy just wasn't a kid, no matter what anyone else said on the matter. He was too intelligent, too cunning and too deceptive… and too cruel. His so called family learned – and learned well–that they shouldn't bully or interfere in the brat's affairs.

Leave him alone, and they could be proud, normal family with an outstandingly intelligent nephew who was just a touch on a creepy side of insanity. Try to bully him and be prepared for a trip to hospital, straight to the ICU. It didn't help that the ravens, for some reason, liked the kid.

When the letter came, they were almost weeping with relief… that is, until they remembered they would still have to house the menace that was their darling nephew in the summer months. The only consolation was, the brat was forbidden to use his… magic in that time, so they were relatively safe… relatively because the brat could use other means to ruin them.

* * *

The Wizarding world was an amusing pastime, so easy to manipulate, and yet fraught with traps and laws that offered a modicum of entertainment. First year was… interesting, what with the chase after philosopher's stone and the old coot's attempts at manipulating him. _Ha._ That was a laugh, if he ever had one, just like when he heard about him being a savior. Koumyou was right, when he told him that the hard part was being a Sanzo, or, in Ukoku's case now, being a hero. Nevertheless, he enjoyed messing with Ravenclaws and their perception of rules. Gryffindors were dumb as bricks, cannon fodder if he ever saw it, while Hufflepuffs were a sickeningly cuddly lot. Slytherins were the only redeemable House, and Ukoku would have been Sorted with them, but his curiosity and thirst for learning prevailed over his darker tendencies. Or not.

It was ironic that the symbol of Ravenclaw was an eagle. He may have been called Harry Potter in this life, but he still thought himself as Ukoku – the only name he had willingly accepted for his. Because it was a name given to him by the only one who had willingly accepted him for himself.

* * *

Second year was interesting. He discovered he could talk with snakes, was labeled as the Heir of Slytherin and ostracized by his own House, not that he cared much about that, was almost killed at the Quidditch match, not that he participated in one - and this bushy – haired girl that briefly reminded him of his ex-assistant, Dr. Hwang, was following him like a little puppy, just because he was a prime suspect for killing – more like petrifying – the students and pets alike. The straw that broke the camel's back was her brewing the Polyjuice potion so as to sneak into the Ravenclaw common room with that Weasley girl. Their plan would have succeeded, if it weren't for Ukoku being too perceptive for their own good – they may have fooled the other Ravenclaws, but not Ukoku and that funny – eyed girl, Lovegood or something. Ukoku let the girls go with a warning, and Luna may have added something about Nargles and that Ginny should stay away from the book, making the girl flinch and pale before that Granger girl pulled her away.

All shit went south when Granger was found petrified and Weasley missing. Ukoku, with his superior logic and deductive reasoning found out the location of Chamber of Secrets, only to be dragged along to ' _explore'_ it by that Lockhart fraud. It didn't help that Weasley's annoying brother number six joined the entourage, but what the hell, if worse came to worst, Ukoku could still use him as bait for the basilisk to chew on.

Sadly, no such luck. With the wall crumbling at the most inopportune moment, Ukoku was parted from his partners in crime, and pressed to continue alone. Not that he bemoaned the stroke of … luck, because he was better off without the buffoon and the stomach on legs anyway.

Tom Riddle and his pathetic little story didn't move him a whit. But when the specter called out the basilisk, the entire thing became more than interesting. Sadly the basilisk wasn't open to negotiations, but Ukoku still got what he wanted – he disabled the beast with aiming the air bullets in its eyes and then killed it, much to the horror of the ghost, but not before the beast got a good chunk of his shoulder.

He managed to kill the specter by stabbing the diary with a fang and then resigned himself to die a painful and bloody death – he was covered with the basilisk's blood and his shoulder was full of the basilisk venom, so his survival seemed unlikely. Heh, at least he would get one over Kanzeon, the bitch – bastard that se was…

No such luck. The flaming turkey, which he later found out was a phoenix, flamed into the chamber, took a look and then landed on him, crying. Much to Ukoku's surprise, he survived. Although, to his dismay, he really didn't need to take care of the Weasley fangirl. The return was anticlimactic – he found the Weasley number six and the buffoon of a teacher who accidentally Obliviated himself, and the flaming turkey transported them into Myrtle's bathroom, where he had to avoid the questions and thanks of the spectators. At least the Ravenclaws were happy, as they got the House cup again, much to Snape's ire.

* * *

Third year was... annoying. First, the Dementors brought up a whole slew of memories he was not ready to remember, much less talk about. Second, their new Defense teacher was... _fishy_. Something was not right, what with him looking at Ukoku like – like - Ukoku didn't have a word for this. Like a dog that desperately wanted to be petted, but he was afraid he would be kicked in his furry butt for his impudence. That lesson with a Boggart was… _troublesome._ Heh. A Dementor as his fear was almost expected- although it was curious just why Lupin had a moon as his greatest fear.

The lessons were … informative. And instead of the stag, his Patronus manifested as a glowing piece of cloth placed on his shoulders, baffling Lupin immensely, but Ukoku knew what it was, not that he explained it to the nosy professor.

The Muten sutra…. His prized possession and the most powerful weapon in his arsenal… and the memory of acceptance from Koumyou.

The Gryffindorks got a scare in shape of the visit of the infamous Black, and Granger girl was as insufferable as ever. Since his arrival, Ukoku persistently topped the student chart as the best in his year, much to the dismay of the purebloods and chagrin of the bushy – haired nuisance. Ukoku could only thank his lucky stars the chit was actually sorted in Gryffindor, although that didn't stop her from following him around, although they had different schedules – Ravenclaws with Hufflepuffs, and Gryffindors with Slytherins. Ukoku was clever, but he didn't flaunt his knowledge – if anything, he downplayed it, while the Granger girl was squawking her mouth around like a chicken starving for attention, not that it helped her much… although something fishy was going on, what with her participation in all the classes available. Ukoku also subscribed to all of them, but he at least alternated his timetable – one week, he visited the classes in group A, and another, he had classes in group B; meaning he did self – study for the subjects of the group where he wasn't present at the classes for the week. And to Granger's fuming, he was still at the top of the class, even if the workload given was monstrous.

When he got a message that Lovegood was kidnapped, he was not amused. Lovegood may not be his friend, but she was someone who amused him and her unique outlook on the Wizarding world was always appreciated.

Everyone in Ravenclaw knew not to mess with Loony Lovegood. Some of the girls had tried, because Loony was hoarding all the precious time with Harry Potter to herself, making the younger girl's life living hell – but when the dirty deeds the culprits had done finally came to light, courtesy of Ukoku's little spies… well, all bets were off. Nobody talked what had happened to the unfortunate idiots, but the fact was that Luna was left alone ever since, and if the house mates had anything to do with her, they were unfailingly polite. Doing otherwise was just asking for trouble.

But the Granger annoyance tagging along was asking for more than trouble. And Ukoku's… gut had proven itself right again. Their DADA professor apparently forgot to take the blasted potion and changed into some kind of mutated werewolf. While Ukoku itched to experiment on the live specimen, he had to sacrifice his not so noble intentions in the name of saving the Granger idiot, and in process exposing some of his abilities. It was just paralysis, but _still!_

Ukoku wanted to pout.

The rat had escaped, and Ukoku had to salvage the mutt from Dementors, effectively destroying them. It seemed that even his _Patronus_ was not usual, but even more disturbing was seeing himself use it.

* * *

Fourth year, the Weasley family invited him to the Quidditch… whatever it was. Ukoku wasn't interested in watching some morons chase enchanted balls in the sky, so he politely refused – besides, if he wanted to go, he would have bought his ticket himself. Instead of this, he dedicated his time to his little projects, one of them was Demon bracelet and he worked on little modifications on his Queen Bees. His little spies had been instrumental in his control over Ravenclaw House, but he wanted them to be more useful than just being his eyes and ears. Call him paranoid, but it wasn't paranoia if they were really out to get you.

This… _fiasco_ with the Tournament threw all his hopefully-peaceful year into the chaos. Ukoku just _knew_ there was Kanzeon's hand somewhere in between. The old adage, _'be careful what you are asking for'_ , was only too true in his case. Since he lived this life, Ukoku had more than enough excitement on his hands, and while he was happy to be in the middle of the happenings, he was also annoyed because most of the time those so-called troubles could have been solved with a little bit of common sense and good judgment – which the Wizarding world didn't have much of.

Ah, at least it was fun to manipulate them, even if half the fun was taken out because they didn't use their brains.

* * *

Sighing, Ukoku leaned against the wall, feeling the thrum of latent magic purring against his senses. Even if others saw Hogwarts as a building that was enchanted with nifty tricks, Ukoku had a feeling the old castle was sentient, and at first, it had been a shock, feeling the castle's feelers brush against his magic so…curiously, but he allowed it, out of amusement and curiosity. Not all at once, but bit by bit, like allowing a curious kitten to search for the best perch on his body… although that kitten had claws. Deadly ones. The castle liked him enough to hide him from the idiots when needed, although the only one who he couldn't hide from was Luna.

The air was cold and his nostrils were stinging with inhaling the sharp breath through his nose. He was haphazardly clad in trousers and shoes with a black pullover and coat that hada stitched Ravenclaw coat of arms on its left breast pocket. His hair was messy, fine strands falling around his face like crow feathers, giving him an eerie look of a fallen angel. And instead of the non – existent chakra on his forehead, there was a faint scar in the shape of a lightning bolt. He had a pair of glasses with oval lenses perched on his face, enhancing his features and giving him a scholarly look.

People were surprised that their savior didn't favor the appearance of his parents. Someone even whispered that the child was a changeling, but the blood tests showed that the devilishly smiling kid truly was one Harry James Potter, much to the dismay of one Severus Snape, because then there were rumors that this little hellion was his spawn, and not Potter's! The brat's intelligence didn't endear him to Potions' master any; the kid was a prodigy, and it irritated Snape that some little upstart was better at Potions than he had been at his age. Potions were his pride and joy, and it just added insult to injury when he found out the brat was equally as successful, if not more so, in all the other classes he enrolled in.

Dark eyes looked at the moon, tracing the shapes of a rabbit on its uneven surface. Contrary to the reports, Harry Potter didn't have green eyes, but black. They were the color of the abyss, some people remarked – an unfeeling, dark void that haunted you long after you had seen them. These eyes were not the eyes of a kid, but of one who had seen and doled out untold horrors. And yet, they were covered with a playful glint of one who thought life was being a funny game, interesting enough to participate in whichever position he thought to be most amusing for the time.

He heard a faint noise of light footsteps approaching his hiding place as stared at the moon.

Only one person knew him well enough, and had the favor of the castle in such a measure **,** to find him.

"Hello, dear raven." A dreamy voice, faint as a whisper of wind greeted him. The girl's voice was distant as always, and he felt her lean on the spot beside him.

His lips quirked. "Oh? Did the little rabbit from the moon finally come to greet me?" He asked, his voice drawling with mirth. He turned his head as he looked at his little companion.

"Of course," The girl said amiably, as if nothing was wrong with the world, her pale, moon-shaded eyes staring at the disc hung on the sky. "The raven misses the moon, and the rabbit will keep him company."

Ukoku's eyebrows quirked. "Me, missing the moon?" he asked, his voice amused. "Little rabbit, not every wolf howls just because it feels lonely." He placed one hand on the girl's pale head, absentmindedly noting that her pale blond hair turned silver in the lunar light.

Luna was clothed in the school clothes, with addition of radish earrings anda corkscrew necklace. She clutched to herself a book – _Magical_ _Beasts_ _And_ _Where_ _To_ _Find_ _Them,_ although only Ukoku knew the book actually contained her family's grimoire.

"Then does the darkness miss the light? The sun has won, you know." Ukoku gave a start at her off-handed comment, but refused to give up. Dark eyes narrowed as he looked at the landscape. The trees were black against the dark blue sky, their branches stretching out like pleading hands. "You are very daring, little rabbit. Darkness always swallows the light, don't you know that?" There was a bitter undertone in his dismissal, but the girl's lips stretched intoan amused smile anyway. "And yet the stars shine, even in the darkness. In the light, there are always shadows, dear raven."

Dark eyes widened. After a moment or two, the boy's shoulders began shaking as a low sound filled the air. The sound slowly progressed into low chuckles, and then, into outright laughter.

Ku… Kukuku – _KuHahaha_!" Ukoku laughed the sound echoing through the darkness of the night, scaring out the crows and a pair of owls out of their trees.

When he finally calmed down, he couldn't help himself but chuckle. "Koumyou would've liked you, little rabbit. So _very_ optimistic…"

'… _That_ _the_ _darkness_ _wouldn't_ _eat_ _you_ _…_ _'_

The second part of the sentence hung in the air between the two teens like a bulbous moon. Something here, but so far and unreachable it hurt.

"You still didn't answer my question, Ukoku." Luna gently rebuked him, leaning against his shoulder.

" _Haa_ _…_ Some plum sake on a night like this would not be amiss…" He muttered, his hand sliding down from the moon – silvered tresses slowly, almost longingly, dark eyes far away in thought – or was it memories.

Luna was the only one who called him dear raven, much to the confusion of his schoolmates. Ukoku allowed it, much to their surprise – but then, Ukoku preferred almost anything over his name, not that the masses know that little tidbit of information.

"Ukoku…" the girl sighed, as if exasperated. She was used to the eccentricities of her protector, but sometimes Ukoku was too much even for her.

The teen – no, man, was old, older than her, and in his eyes, she saw the true darkness. He was wicked, of that there was no doubt. But the Nargles were plentiful around him, and that reassured Luna that Ukoku was not a bad person. Even if Ukoku himself often disparaged his actions, perversely enjoying people's shocked and scandalous expressions at him doing something uncouth and forbidden, Luna saw the lonely raven, searching for that beam of light to land on. Darkness encroached on the light, chasing it across the space, trying to claim it, and yet –

Yet, the true tragedy was, the light had already claimed its darkness, taming it until it was a mere shadow of itself, leashing it to itself so tightly that onlya silvered night like this one was a solace for it.

"You're still chasing after him, don't you?" she asked gently, her moon-shaded eyes understanding. "Your light."

Ukoku's lips twisted into bitter, mocking smile. "Am I not always?" He muttered, his voice low, prompting the girl to curl into him, making Ukoku embrace her tenderly, as if she was a fragile moonbeam and he was afraid to shatter it. And when their heartbeats resonated though their young bodies, Luna's otherworldly eyes saw the silhouette of a man behind Ukoku, looking at the messy haired teen sadly and with a bit of understanding and longing mixed in his moon – darkened eyes.

He was clad ina long flowing robe, with the bamboo armor shielding his chest and the twin sutras resting on his slender shoulders. His elegant face was framed with chin length tresses of fine hair, while the rest of the thick mass was gathered in a hip length braid. The man placed his left hand, clad ina black arm warmer on Ukoku's right shoulder **;** his long, elegant fingers slightly transparent in the moonlight.

The man looked at her, and gave her a sad, longing smile. _"I_ _miss_ _him_ _too."_ His lips mouthed, the unheard voice echoing warmly in Luna's head. _"Take_ _care_ _of_ _him_ _for_ _me,_ _will_ _you?"_

Luna nodded, still transfixed with the ethereal beauty of Ukoku's 'light'.

The man closed his eyes, and he smiled, as he looked at the moon. _"And_ _as_ _for_ _him_ _chasing_ _after_ _me_ _…_ _I_ _will_ _always_ _wait_ _for_ _him."_

In that quiet moonlight, there were three persons standing late in the night. Two of them were young teens that could be mistaken for a couple – a black-haired, black eyed boy with messy hair that resembled raven's feathers, and the girl, who was snuggled into his loose embrace was like a moonlight itself – dreamy, ethereally pale, like crystal. The third person was unseen to anyone, bar the young girl that had the privilege of resting in the boy's embrace – a slender older man, an odd mix of shadows and light, his hand clutching at the unaware teen boy's shoulder gently, yet possessively all the same.

Yes, to an observer who saw all three of them, the sight would have been undoubtedly strange, but the night was kind enough to grant them privilege of being in darkness, unseen to any nosy bodies that would dare to interrupt the sad, slightly melancholic serenity of the scene.

_**/The End/** _

 


End file.
